Marilyn Barnicke Belleghem’s blog

Do you think it is appropriate to bare breasts in the workplace?

Workplace cleavage: What's the limit?

I am the author of 3 nonfiction self help books.

After five years in business as a marriage and family therapist I wanted to write a book that would cover several common themes that I worked on with my clients.

Many people are challenged with discovering who they can be when they are free from responsibilities so they can be themselves.

I went on a trip to England and Ireland and struggled not to be the caregiver or to challenge the leader when she was unsure or inconsiderate of the group. I discovered new parts of myself and returned to write Questing Marilyn.

Unfortunately, a woman who had posed as my friend in order to have proximity to my husband had betrayed me and they had romanced while I was away. My second book Questing France follows my journey with confrontation, separation, reconciliation and a wonderful 25^th wedding anniversary trip through France.

When I thought I was rebuilding my marriage, I was devastated to learn that my husband had returned to the marriage after discovering I had inherited considerable money. My third book, Questing Home, goes through the process of divorce and is filled with my insights and knowledge from over 25 years as a marriage and family therapist. I expose the dirty tricks he and his lawyer tried in their attempts to destroy me. It is my hope that it will raise awareness with the public and with professionals on ways the law is flaunted by those who have the power and the money.

 

I believe if couples celebrate Valentine's Day then it should be a mutual expression of love and not just an occasion where men feel forced to buy the women in his life gifts. Do you agree?

Honking, tailgating, excessive lane changing... There are so many things that can drive you crazy when you're behind the wheel. So tell us: what's your driving pet peeve?

I get annoyed with people who get on a 3 lane highway and sit in the middle lane. I understand if you are moving to the middle lane to let people merge onto the highway but get back into the right lane especially if it is empty. People who sit in the middle lane complain about drivers passing on both sides but if they were not in the middle lane it wouldn't and couldn't happen. The argument I usually hear is that it is too much bother to keep changing lanes. I say; stay home on your couch. Driving takes alertness and involvement. Move to the right and let others pass.

I was recently interviewed for a piece that appears on an interesting site for those who like to share their story.

Some of the stories are professionally written while others are contributed by individuals. As always, when I am interviewed for a story, I have no control over what the journalist will write. Some are very accurate while others miss a few beats. This writer hasn't read my Questing series of books but she was fun to talk to and did an intersting account of me and my work. Please feel free to add a comment, mark it for another site like Twitter or your Facebook account and share it with those you think might find it of interest. When A Book Is Born

I enjoy receiving articles and short books as pdf documents but have never tried to read a whole book on a hand held electronic device. I have just had my first book Questing Marilyn: In Search of My Holy Grail, Personal Growth Through Travel, placed on Mobipocket. What format do you like? The free reader can be downloaded but I'm not sure if it can be downloaded to all devices. Your thoughts and ideas are appreciated.  

Children who are bullied need to know they are not the problem. Bullying is about the bully needing to feel powerful. They believe their wants are more important than anyone else's. They have learned to be abusers.

Bullying always involves

·        Intimidation through specific tactics meant to instill fear

·        Threats of emotional, physical and psychological harm

·        Discrimination by accusing the victim of being inferior or wrong

·        Isolation of the victim from others who may give support.

We must help the victims. This can be done by;

·        Listening to their stories of life at school

·        Watching for changes in behaviour, especially from happy to fearful

·        Observing their play and listening to how they interact with others

·        Asking about any indications that hint at being afraid or avoiding people or places.

You are looking for fear of the school yard, anxiety about who will be in their class, talk of having no friends, worry about their teacher's treatment of them and in general a focus on feeling safe rather than excited to be able to learn and grow.

We can identify bullies by;

·        Watching the way they talk to and about other children

·        Observing the way their parents speak to them

·        Look at who their friends are and the interaction between them

·        Paying attention to the types of games they play and TV programs they prefer.

Signs include belittling and name calling, talk of "getting" other people, a superior attitude with lack of care and empathy for others and forming groups where the group acts aggressively against siblings, younger children or members of a race, religion or sexual orientation. Bullies often present as confident and popular so people believe they are not the cause of the problem.

Parents must hold school officials accountable to stop abusive behaviour on the school yard and in the classroom. The first place to look is at the principals and teachers who bully students.

Every school year parents work to keep their children out of certain teacher's classes because those teachers are bullies. It is often the parents who are least involved in their children's lives whose children get the abusive teachers.

Too often children are seen as the problem, their aches and pains and reluctance to go to school are looked at but not the classroom environment.

·        Parents can work together.

·        Get supportive people to work as a group to hold bullies accountable.

·        Avoid TV programs that show bullies in action.

·        Be Self aware of tactics you may use to get your way

·        Watch the way others speak to your child and confront abuse.

People who bully are usually going about their lives confident that the victim's physical and emotional reactions were because they are too sensitive, not mentally well and author of their own misfortune.

Bullies have usually been bullied. They are afraid of appearing weak or fearful. They need to tell their story of who has bullied them and how that behaviour has influenced their life to break the chain. It may be a parent, sibling, grandparent, friend, neighbour, role model on television, religious leader or teacher. Legal tactics include bullying as do many other forms of business interaction. Many workplaces are filled with bullies. War is bullying to the extreme.

There are lifelong repercussions of bullying that effect the way a person functions in their home and in society. Bullying causes a loss in self confidence, hinders achievement, disrupts routines, brings fear into the lives of parents and children, prevents parents from protecting their children out of their own fear and leads to Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.

Accountability involves forgiveness. Bullies need to,

·        Hear the impact of their behaviour on their victim

·        Be willing to accept responsibility for the harm they have done

·        Compensate the victim

·        Apologize

Society must evolve to a point where bullies are held accountable and their behaviour is seen as unacceptable if we are to ever live in peace as people, nations and globally.