Marilyn Barnicke Belleghem’s blog

I don't understand why people don't accept individual responsibility for the manufacturing jobs leaving us when they want higher and higher wages and benefits but buy everything the cheapest they can. What part of this is hard to understand?

It is a long evolving problem brought on by all of us every time we refuse to buy a home made item for a higher cost than an imported lower cost item.

I love to travel and I love to come home again.

I left Toronto to fly via Paris to Madrid. How wonderful to sneak away between snow storms and arrive to flowering trees and bushes and singing birds.

After two days exploring Madrid we drove to the coast of Portugal near Faro for a week at an exchange timeshare. Oh bliss!

A two night stopover in Seville before another timeshare exchange on the beach of the Mediterranean near Malaga and the tastes and experiences were feeling very familiar. Life in the slow lane was really catching on for me.

Granada for a day then back to Madrid through Don Quixote country preceded a flight to Paris. The cold winds of March were not as enjoyable as the more tropical climate but the excitement of visiting the top of the Eiffel Tower and returning on a river cruise to see the lights come on as a full moon rose behind that famous structure was magic!

I gathered lots of material for writing and recharges my spirit.

How wonderful to return home to find all well cared for and my family happy and healthy!

I am blessed! Hurray!

It is with great relief and pride that I can announce that the completed first draft of Questing Home: A Safe Place for My Holy Grail is now done. It now goes to the first readers who will give me feedback for flow, continuity, and to my children to see if they want themselves portrayed as I have written them. This has meant pouring over journals, letters, photographs, court documents about my divorce and interviews with people who were in my life from 1989 to 1996.

Writing this third book has been hard work and often emotionally difficult. Breaking the old rules of my childhood upbringing about keeping family secrets and turning the other cheek has challenged me. I have removed myself from a lot of life to be able to get this to this stage. Fortunately I work at home. I feel as if I am now free in a way I haven't been free in many years yet I know there is a lot of hard work ahead.

For those who have read Questing Marilyn 2003 (took me 17 years to get done) and Questing France 2005 you know I love to travel and I have travel adventures in this book too so I am keeping with the theme Personal Growth Through Travel.

It is my hope that this book will be recognized as a significant contribution on issues of adult bullying, the inequity of the divorce process most often but not always for women and how people in powerful positions can abuse their power with impunity. It is filled with personal growth and stress management methods and experiences.

The next steps include making the edits my first readers suggest if I agree with them, then having it copy edited professionally (even then some typos have slipped through as Questing France was edited by paid editors twice.) and making the corrections found, having it designed including a cover design and pictures inserted then printed. Whew! A long process. I hope to have it ready for sale in May.

I hope this book will become one that women's centers and advocates for a more just process of marital dissolution will use. I know my first two books have helped both men and women find their voice and stand up for themselves in abusive and disrespectful situations. I've had wonderful feedback.

Best wishes to you and as this is a dream coming to fruition for me, I hope your dreams are coming true too!

As the saying goes: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!

Sexual fantasies are a part of a normal active imagination and playing out those fantasies can be fun. How this is done is vital to maintaining self esteem, self respect and your real life relationships.

Many men have problems accepting that women have sexual expectations, desires and fantasies. They fear their own performance will not live up to the fantasies. They feel threatened. They do not want their partner to engage in girls’ nights out.

There is also a double standard with some men that it is alright for them to look at women lustfully but it is not normal for women to do the same. Lack of clear understanding and communication can needlessly cause serious problems in committed monogamous relationships. It can also hamper the development of  new intimate dating relationship.

If you want to have a fun on a girls’ night out:

1. Let your man know that it is about fun and fantasy.
2. Be clear about what restrictions you have for yourself.
3. Know your limits with alcohol and or drugs.
4. Don’t let peer pressure get you into doing something you don’t want to do.
5. Be open with your partner after the event so no one can tell stories about your behaviour that could cause you problems.

Fantasy is something that is not real and is based on a made up version or story. When women see the near naked body of an attractive male entertainer, they project their desires onto that male. When they lose sight of the fact that what they create is in fact not real, they can behave in ways that break their own moral code.

Feeling sexually aroused or hot can take blood away from the brain into the genital area. The excitement, especially if it is accompanied by alcohol or drug use, can result in poor choices. A lonely wife or sexually frustrated woman can imagine she is the one desired by the provocatively behaving male. This is a great escape from the stresses and strains of real life. It is however not reality. It can lead to a dangerous situation.

Recognize:

1. Truth builds trust, so tell your partner the truth.
2. Sharing fantasies evoked by the girls’ night can lead to a more adventurous sexual relationship with your partner.
3. Creating a new deal about what behaviour is alright for each partner from areas of conflict can strengthen the relationship. Different couples have different tolerance levels.
4. If you feel your behaviour needs to be hidden from your husband you are probably out of line.
5. If you are fantasizing about the entertainer after the event you need to talk to someone about your ideas. It is his job to get your fantasies churning not to fulfill them.

Using fantasy to compensate for a bad relationship will not help create the quality of life you desire. Using fantasy for fun and safe enjoyment is a great stress reliever. So fuel your fantasies and enjoy! At the end of the party go back to reality refreshed by laughter, fun and friendship!